**Note: I wrote this as I was playing around with snippets to get character voices down and imagining what a Group chat might look like between Lex, Mike and Andie. There’s nowhere in the novel it really fits in, since they didn’t have working cell phones with texting capabilities while deployed, and, yet, the conversation says they’re in a warzone. Even so, “Jailbait” and “Magic Mike” are, it should be noted, what Lex probably has saved as the other two’s contact info…Enjoy for the LOLs! ~Bria
Jailbait: So, I was playing around with stuff
Lex: Magic stuff?
Jailbait: No. Other stuff. Us stuff.
Lex: Sexy stuff?
Jailbait: NO. Gross. You’re such a boy.
Lex: My dick would agree with you.
Jailbait: Even. Grosser.
Lex: C’mon, Jailbait. You gotta give me something here. I’m in the middle of a warzone.
Jailbait: I hate when you call me that. It…cheapens us.
Lex: I mean it affectionately. And it reminds me not to fall in love with you, yet.
Jailbait: Lies. You love me.
Lex: Sure I do. But I’m not IN love with you. That would be wrong.
Jailbait: Whatever.
Lex: So what stuff have you been playing around with?
Jailbait: Name stuff. Like, for us. The three of us.
Lex: What kind of name stuff?
Jailbait: You’re going to laugh.
Lex: Warzone, kiddo. I need to laugh.
Jailbait: I hate “kiddo” more than “Jailbait.”
Lex: Sorry. Princess Andrea, please tell me what kind of name stuff you mean.
Jailbait: Fine. Like…whose should come first? Are we Malandie? Malexandie? Alanike? Alenike? Lafaythroe?
Lex: You’re trying to give us a …ship name? Is that what they’re called?
Jailbait: …Yeah.
Lex: LOL
Jailbait: I told you you’d laugh.
Lex: I think it’s adorable. But strongly veto “Lafaythroe” ftr.
Jailbait: Fuck you. I’m 15. What do you expect me to do about all of you destined lovers I have? The Goddess is setting me up to be a ho. Ship names ARE adorable and deflect some of the ho-ness by focusing on the goddess-ordained destiny shit.
Lex: Do not slut shame yourself. Because then you’ll have to slut shame me and Mike and that’ll make me feel bad about myself before I go into battle.
Jailbait: Guys don’t get slut shamed.
Lex: Exactly. And that is some patriarchal bullshit there.
Jailbait: “Patriarchal bullshit”? Who are you and what have you done with my Alexander?
Lex: Hey – I’m taking those college classes and your mom heavily suggested I take a women’s studies one along the way.
Jailbait: Of course she did.
Lex: So, I did. And you’re right that I shouldn’t call you “jailbait,” or “kid” or anything but “Andrea” or “Andie.” Or maybe “your highness.” Anything else is patronizing and infantilizing. But I don’t mean it that way. It really is more a reminder to myself that however amazing of a woman you’re growing into, you’re still too young for me to have other than platonic thoughts about.
Jailbait: I know. And it’s okay. You can call me that if you want. And I’ll be 16 in just a few months, so it’s only for a little while longer. By the time you come home, I’ll be grown up and you’ll be dazzled by my beauty and praise the Goddess for how lucky you are that you’re mine and I’m yours.
Lex: And then, in two more years, you’ll be 18, and Mike will stop scowling at me like I’m a perv for chatting with you when I should be sleeping.
Jailbait: He’s so…human.
Lex: I know. You’d think by now he’d be over it, but he still finds some of our rules and beliefs weird.
Jailbait: Is he reading this?
Lex: Yes. I made it a group chat from the start. He’s just not engaging.
Jailbait: Because he’s disapproving?
Lex: Yep.
Jailbait: Hi, Mike. 😛
Magic Mike: Heya, kid.
Jailbait: FFS. I’m NOT A KID.
Lex: Your entire justification for the ship names was that you’re a teenage girl!
Jailbait: Whatever. I hate you both. Go to bed. Do grown up things if you’ve got any privacy. Don’t get killed in battle or I’ll have to resurrect you just to kick your asses.
Magic Mike: Wait…you can do that?
Jailbait: My Tante Marguerite is a Voodoo priestess, cher. Of course I can. Or, well, she can.
Lex: I don’t want to be a zombie!
Jailbait: Then don’t die.
Magic Mike: I’m going to have nightmares now.
Jailbait: Make Lex kiss them away.
Lex: I can do that.
Magic Mike: Not if I am dreaming you’re a zombie.
Lex: I’d be a sexy zombie!
Magic Mike: No such thing.
Magic Mike: Aaand, now he’s pouting and won’t look at me or his phone.
Jailbait: So, go give him a blowjob or something. Get him to sleep so he’s not slinging fireballs at insurgents all sleep deprived or whatever with weakened defenses.
Magic Mike: You shouldn’t even know what those are.
Jailbait: …Insurgents? 0:-)
Magic Mike: Blow jobs. >.<
Jailbait: You’re so cute. I’m 15 and have the Internet. Everyone my age knows way more than adults are comfortable with us knowing. I mean, I think they’re gross, but guys seem to like them, from what I’ve heard.
Magic Mike: I’m not having this conversation with you.
Jailbait: Because it’s “inappropriate”?
Magic Mike: YES.
Jailbait: Fine. Go do innocent and appropriate things to get your boyfriend to sleep. Then watch his six tomorrow and make sure someone’s on yours, because I don’t want to lose 2/3 of my soul because of an inappropriate group chat.
Magic Mike: Yes, ma’am.
Jailbait: Finally. I get a little respect tonight.
Magic Mike: I also veto “Lafaythroe,” btw. That’s terrible. So are “Alanike” and “Alenike” . They sound like I’ve got a boyfriend named “Alan.”
Jailbait: So…”Malexandie” then?
Magic Mike: I still think you can do better, but that’s acceptable, I guess.
Jailbait: Yay! Thank you for your input. Good night. Sleep well.
Magic Mike: You’ll most likely kill me in the morning?
Jailbait: lol
Magic Mike: As you wish, your highness.
Jailbait: <3